The Slop Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural.
Not much we can do now. Should have stopped or warned him while it was still early. It started so innocently. He was only doing Slop recreationally, in small doses. He thought he could stop at any time... just review every change and you're safe, right? Yeah, right. Now he's gone, and this post is probably AI-generated.
Stop crying. Here, have some em dashes to wipe your tears with: —, —, —.
I will tell you why. He told me. The Slop made him feel young again. Like he was a noob and didn't know what he was doing at all. Everything felt so new again—full of questions, challenges, and possibilities. And he just couldn't resist the power. To command these... golems—or clankers, as he called them—was to have a personal army at his disposal. I know—unnatural, foul creatures they are. But he said he took a liking to them... He found them... delightful—hah!—and funny. They were funny when they were impressive, and they were funny when they failed spectacularly. Their unpredictability was an irresistible counterpoint to the hard, cold determinism of everything he was used to.
And now he has his own harness to command them and methods to control and bind them, and he is using his newly acquired powers to rapidly deepen his integration with them.
So that's why I'm here. To warn you that he went Full Slop. And I don't think he is ever coming back. He swears he's fine and has never been better, but I think his demise is certain. It's just a matter of time.